Addicted to KBox

Had fun yakking my head off at kbox marina square today.
The bffs are soo budak2 kecik gilerr sia.
But more of the act cute or rather cute cute type one.
Although i didnt exactly feel like i was in my element,
i did honestly enjoy myself.
Being cina2 after like such a long time.
Ouh and not to mention
theyre quite racist too
especially towards indians.
Thank gawd there werent any discrimination towards malays
or i'd be miserable.
But theyre such a fun cute bunch!
Engaged in a completely different gila world.
-it was 14.30bucks btw-


Then, i made a trip all the way to tampines interchange macs
where me, niks and deeps caught up
*sighs
adorable friends.
And so the deprived bunch of people
wasted potential studying time
playing truth or truth
i thoroughly enjoyed myself okayy
just like old times
where i was fadilah
fadilah who didnt have to TRY to fit in
just had to be myself
is that how u measure who ur true friends are?


shona shona shona
haix
what am i gona do without you?
i took 969 with niks to yishun
and we had a looonngg talk in the bus
I LOVE HER OK
call me lesbian or weird or crazy
but i really do love her
as a friend, a sister, brother, a partner, everything
and i wish we'd sustain a lifelong friendship
cos friendship like this is
impossibly hard to chance upon in a lifetime

on the way home from yishun(853),
i emo-ed.
LITERALLY
i thought of stuff which i have always hidden aside from

when everyone's as good as he/she could be
then we'll look for each other.

Teachers' Dayy

hmmm soo
i've been quite contented with my ongoing tests' results
an apparent achievement due to my
putting-in-effort technique of studying

and i havent start mugging eh
serious!
i only bothered to initiate
a higher degree of thinking process

i guess its all about the attitude baby

and im frrigiin annoyed with myself for having this
-perfectionist- flaw
as im writing this
im continuously referring and rereading
what i wrote from the start
its like subconscious torture

ouh shit shit
if this prevails,
im gona suffer miserably in every
subject which requires me to
incorporate my writing skills
stop fadilah stop stop!

anyway i love my 'blog'!
haha theres totally no one who knows about its existence
except squirtle
and im not even sure whther he checks and reads this blog like a bible or what

hmmmmm
if indian guys have lotsa lotsa ego
then why do they still possess that capability
to sweet talk and give lotsa compliments to girls?

wldnt it be self-sacrificing for them
to praise praise praise
or maybeeeeee
they gatal!
guys guyyyysss*shakes head*
tsk tsk


ouh and i forgot to blog about CIP day!
kinda exhausting
but it was a refreshing experience
like we went to the not-so-better-off areas in Sg
and i realised lots of the not-so-better-off folks
are aged grandparents
poor thing riiighhht
haix
is there no such thing as filial piety nowaadays?
those pitiful grandmummy and atuks
*sighs. kesian sehhh

hmmm i'll blog in detail some other time
im kind of occupied right now
deestheoryoflove.blogspot.com, ouuuhh deestheoryoflove.blogspot.com
i go off and do my work first ya?
haha!
i got a written report, gp essay and uhhhh
teachers day cards to complete



ouh anw the last few days were fun;D
gives me an insight to how a future might look like


tata. miss random signing offffffffff

i wana judge my life..

ima difficult individual
stubborn-hearted, idealistic and ignorant
but i believe those core characteristics
are those traits one have to have in life
to survive

im the type who brand other normal average people as
TYPICAL
i file them into that category
but refuse to acknowledge the fact that everyone is special in their own way
they live life for each of their own purpose
and their defining meanings DIFFER



an infinite numer of goals, targets, Dreams
exist in this universe
but how many of them actually DO come true?



do u judge one's quality of life through achievements
or level of satisfaction, happiness?
or do u grade life looking at
the memories accumulated through those years?

But me, ME.
i want to judge my life
with the knowledge that
i have left behind 'markS '
may it be help in the form of advice
or physical guidance for those less fortunate

i want to judge my life
by knowing for a fact
that i have left a legacy for my beloved future generation
to follow and further improve on

i want to judge my life
being 100% affirmative
that i have found the right soulmate
fate has chosen for me

i want to judge my life
realising
that the path to perfection
hinges on accepting oneself COMPLETELY
every part of the being
every hole
every corner
one whole soul

i want to judge my life
by looking
at how much i LOVE me

once, one achieves that peak of enlightenment, everything ends.
and i'll know for sure i've reached the destination.
where time doesnt exist.
only blissful eternity where theres only
love, MY love, and me;)

ambitious i know.
but thats fadiiiilah!

Poky poky throat

sick. i feel sick.

its like small sharp knives sticking down my throat

and that irritating queasy feeling which never fails to make me

cough, cough, bloody COUGH

like some sickly old aged greatgrandmother

oh when will it go away?

Would i ever be able to survive without attention?

im turning into some annoying spoilt brat

Truthfully, i've always had someone to depend on at one time or another

which is consequently hazardous

considering the fact that i need to

GROW UP!

Abah's forever preaching for us to be MATURE

think about the future

establish that bridge

discover acceptance

be at unity with oneself.

and its precisely at this moment

that i absolutely detest

Puberty and all its teenage angst

i saw it coming and i cant wait to let it go

anyways

31 days to promos

ouh and i expect ALOT from a guy

so if you dun think you can handle it

then maybe u should GO.

-everyone needs to grow up first=/

33 days to promoooo * Smallest * Small * Normal * Large * Largest Font size Bold Italic Text Color Link Align Left Als

so its like 3AM in the morning
-no its 4.30am-
lol 1hour 30 mins have passed since i wrote that 1st statement
friendster friendster friendster
its taking over teenagers' social lives sia
mrpk maaannn

so on sunday i had pergas like usual
then afterwards late noon we wentt to east coast
to celebrate aim ayam's and makngah's birthdYS

guess who i saw!
was walking to the wakeboarding lagoon tthingy with nenek and ibu
when i saw this angmoh looking guy
attacking(eating i mean) a chickenwing like a savage
and i thought marissa went for a sex change or something!

muke dorang samer laaaaa
i stared at him like some lost bird uh
he walked past us
and i continued staring at the back of his head
like i've never seen an angmoh b4 like that

ouh and i wanted to shout out his name and hide
just to check whether he wass the person i thought he was
but got nenek and ibu mahhh
later they think i gatal(hmmph so not) or something

i actually contemplated stalking him for fun
eh im a deprived girl whos looking for adventure what!
but i was like alone with no crazy sister teman-ing me
so i decided to call fez to confirm my suspicions
turns out i DO recgonise ppl!

haha
and i asked fez to put everyone on conference
dumb squirtle had to make me wait a long time
listening to a dial tone

when my call finally got connected
shaakir who sounded like hafez
asked "are u the girl carrying the white2 thing"
and my mind went "?????????" for awhile
-i was [actionly] carrying my organic chem notebook u see-
step hardworking only siaa
and then i went ouuuhhhh yes yes yes!
and waved at him from afar like a mad girly

so thats my sunday story.

and feeezzzzzz
shaakir tak intrstd lah
relax mannnn
u jealous germ!

hmm so yesterday
technically on monday
i skipped out on school
and seeked refuge at pp cc
quite effective uh

u see, when fadilah's alone and forced into boredom and loneliness
she actually gets stuff done
after which, i went ALL THE WAY to tampines
just to learn hess' law and eat kfc

lol k kidding kidding
someone cant live without seeing me for at least a few days
kesiaaaaan dier kannn

so yep
shit shitttt
i gotta study cheeemmmm
energetics law and organic chem*pukes
here i coooomeeeeee~!

farewell's and Art House

So so so things have been pretty busy nowadays
lotsa on-goings going on, hah

like for example, yesterday i spent half the day at
the farewell party for netball seniors
simply exhausting
cos we j1s were like the organisers and we had to plan
all the games in one day
i know i know
EXTREMELY last minute shit
but but but everything worked out ok what!

LOL
actually the whole party was like kind of amusing
taking into consideration
the fact that the j2 netball babies and us were like
practically almost STRANGERS to one another
long story.
malas nak cerita.

anyways, the party was held at some condo's function room in punggol
credits to shalene
ouh and such a pretty new condo tooo
*sighs i wish i lived there
i think i'll grow up to be some action bitchy brat
if i grew up rich i mean.
but no no no no, im anti-bitchy"bitchy"
kick me in the ass and smack me on the head
i swear!

so 4 of us namely me, blahh, bblahh and blaahhh
were the game planners
and yeah we had a crazy hectic time planning planning
ouh and there was this one part where the 4 of us had to go to
sengkang cold storage to buy some props for the games
and we were like spose to buy small plastic bags to make water balloons
apparently they didnt sell any there
so adorable qiqi and longlegs tracy conveniently took off with
one bunch of plastic bag rolls meant to be used by customers for
storing all the fruitfruits and veggie stuff
giler right! like nv in the world, what the-

ya ya and then there was this one finale game
where the j2s were supposed to play a netball game
on an uneven padang beside a road in some housing estate
using a DEAD RAW CHICKEN as a ball
ya like literally
funny seh that moment
it was a failed game
cos we ended up running arnd the field screaming and shrieking
sprinting away from the creepy scary dead chicken
so gila


ya and yadayadayada happened
ouh and did i mention?
that day itself in the early noon
niki dropped by sajc to tie a rakhi on tintin
well gd for them
siblings my foot uh!

and she tied one rakhi to me
claiming that im her "bhaiya"
whatever niks!
im ur laila laaaaa.
and i ended up losing the rakhi during the frantic crazy farewell party.
im sooooo sorryyy niks=/
dint mean to
really!



k moving on.
today me, km and adib(her new fling i spose)
went to the art house to see noi perform
no, noi THE LEOPARD perform
haha cute lahh

ouh and hazi came by later.
he treated me to LJ!
yayee
nice boyy realy, so ambitious and all.
i think we can get along ok ok pretty well
so leaving it there~

and afterwards we had some kenduri nifsu syaaban
really tiring.
like i said, lotsa lotsa stuff.



UGH
you know wadd.
as i was blogging this post
some guy from sa msn-ed me
asking who i am
he still doesnt know me despite the fact
that
-first of all, both of us are in the mcs exco
-2nd of all, he BLIND or what uh???
*huge sighs
that was really demoralising
he said he [couldnt rmb my name]
thats like sooo mean you know
and theres only 6 ppl in the exco
wer the only ppl whos keeping mcs alive
so then?
shldnt u at least have the sense to KNOW and RMB ppl
unless the person doesnt deserve to be noticed at all lah
like shes too DAMN insignificant and fugly and kental to be taken note at all
what a 'morale booster' sia


Sajc has tested my self-esteem from time to time again
Rejection, Failure, Discomfort, and everything bad
all this negativeness in one year
but YET, i m still going senile.



i so cant wait to live it through.
im so going to.

Ancient Suckass

Cmon blog dun die on me

dun die dun die dun die dun die dun die

dun go extinct puhleasseee

hmmm lets seee, lotsa things have happened these past few months

namely my screwed-up CT[midyears]

and me getting grounded for behaving like alousy lazy piggy

and when i say i screwed up

i MEAN it.

the most lousiest grades/scores i have ever gotten in my entire life

hmmm besides my midyear results in sec 4 uh

and when i wonder about the root of my "stupid grades"

i cant stop relating it to boys

enough said.

Is happiness relevant in life?

isit a sin to be happy?

what if u cant curb that desire to be happy 100% of the time?

does that mean u have a disease?

a happiness-deficiet syndrome?

do i do i do i do i?

INSENSITIVITY.

am i taking the things im blessed with for GRANTED?

i know i know some of my companions may feel i dont treasure the sacrifiiices they have so

selflessly made for me.

but its not that i dont, i doooooooooooooooooooooooo

i dunno how to express my gratitude

or maybe i brand these sacrifices as acts of pamperings?

When one is gifted with all the love they can ever get,

how do one respond?

How do u treat ppl who are crazily infatuated or in love with you?

Answers, answers, answers i need answers