INTROSPECTION.

SEMESTER 1 IS COMING CLOSE TO AN END.
(Its currently exam period.)

So many and I mean it, so MANY lapses in time have passed by.

One day before, I was anxiously waiting and continuously praying to Allah
for a chance at attaining my ambition.
And the next, it was already granted.
And here i am at the beginning of a new chapter of adventure in life;
in NUS studying Nursing.
Before mentioning about anything else,
I really wish to extend my utmost and deepest
appreciation and thanks to the Creator of all Beings.
I knew if i stayed strong and persevered in the name of love and faith,
I'd get there, I'd take off and fly:)
Thank you so much for being there for me, protecting me, believing in me
and loving me.
Bismillahirahmanirahim,
In the name of Allah, yang Maha Megasihani dan yang lebih Menyayangi.


Its phenomenal how EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
I used to feel that blogging was a waste of time;
a timid excuse to vent negative opinions and personal self-complaints.
But look at how much it has done for me;
I can personally read and trace my character development in a timeline.
I can go all the way back to my earlier posts and smile in amusement at my young self;
as I read and recall the times of negativity, helplessness, frustration and sorrows.
But one thing struck me the most,
I realized that even if I was caked in mud, struggling to get up from the ground,
or even lying trapped in a pit engulfed in temporary darkness,
I have never failed to provide myself with constant encouragement, support and faith.
At the end of every setback,
I would always tell myself that I could do it,
that I should never give up, never quit or say no,
that i WOULD CHANGE.
and I did. I did. I've changed.
I've changed for the better:)



Im on the right track towards truth,
towards achieving enlightenment,
achieving self-love and being a good soul.

To Allah's grace I shall return and no force can ever stop me from fulfilling that.
Because I am Love and Love is Me.

Im so tired of feeling bad.

CHANGE.

I want to. So badly.

I realise I've beeen really really stupid and ignorant.
I took everything for granted.
Life, God, myself, Love.

Every decision i made,
every path i chose to undertake,
obviously came with a consequence.
And ive been IGNORANT.

I blatantly chose to be bad.
And thats the worse part.
Even when i know its wrong

i still chose to do it.
I heck the consequences.

That isnt what i want to become.
I want to become someone with a heart of gold.
A strong beautiful character.
Full of conviction, faith and believe.
Wise, compassionate and forgiving.
A genuinely good soul.


I know it takes GUTS to accomplish such,

but i pray to Allah the Almighty Being,
please please please give me the strength,
Guide me with your wisdom and patience,
Lift me from the ground i have fallen on,
Grant me with your love.

Because im ready.

IM READY TO CHANGE.

Marks & Spencer

HAPPY 2011!!!

Omg I'm like 18 days late in wishing.
Im extremely sorry my sexy blogg.

Soooo, 2011. 20 YEARS OLD!
It sounds really old doesnt it?
With the number 2 in your age.


Looks like i have to step-up ALOT this year.
Lots of self-development to accomplish
in fulfilling my plans of becoming
a strong respectable successful beautiful young woman:D



Anywaysss, its been more than 2 weeks since
I started working at Marks & Spencer,
And i cant believe how excited I feel to finally
resign from the job. Haha
Not to say that i was THAT tormented during work hours
Just that I feel deprived of quality time for myself
working 8/9 hours 6 times a week, get what i mean?

And HOORAYYYY! its my last day today, how incredibly awesome is that?
The only thing i will miss i guess is the fact that I will be
spending lesser time with my beloved NOI-A
since we wont be working together anymore:(




Anyway life has its major ups and downs nowadays.
And the transition can be a bit(no, scratch that,VERY)difficult at times,
Adjusting to new responsibilities, dealing with newfound insecurities and whatnot.
But one thing's for sure,
For the past few years, its been impossible for me to let go
of the things that pull me back from flight,
and this year I'm definite, It's time.


I've changed like a whole lot, i realise.
and i kindof feel like i went backwards.
Was too weak, too tangled up, too deep in a swamp.

Im climbing out and I wont look back anymore.


I AM going to LOVE myself again.

Heck EMOworld.

Funny mee, i really cant stay sad and emo for too long.


i think im feeling alil bit better now:)
and it warms my heart to see my parents loving me.
I mean i dont feel guilty when theyre being reeaaly nice to me now.

Because i know i've listened to them
to all their rules and commands
despite how unfair i feel they are,
and despite how much my heart hurts to not do things my way.
I could have rebelled,
but i didnt.
Why?
Because i believe one of the most essential values
that a good human being HAVE to possess
is their capability to sacrifice
out of love and respect for the people
who brought them into the world in the first place.



And thats exactly what im gonna do.
Im gonna stay strong so i can become a good person:)



THEREFORE,
I, Nur Fadilah Bte Jubir,
will try my very best to be an obedient loving daughter
and obey my parents' laws!

Howeveerrrr,
with an exception.
i may not be able to break their rules,
but i can always bend 'em.

Haha a significant quote from a very smart and cunning girlfriend lol:p


get up while ur on the ground,
trust me u'll feel more powerful
when u try to run this time around.

Frustrated.

First thing first.


Im not like most teenagers my age..
Im not granted complete freedom,
i cant go out anytime i freaking want to.

So its inevitable,
that in a week, there is a limit to how much i can hang out
especially at night.
Since thats the time my parents are back from work
and when it is especially significant and obvious to them
if im not present at home.

And yes im just damn irritated and angry right now,
because i have been fighting with my parents who have been
complaining excessively abt how i always 'merayap' nowadays.

In the past,
i always try my best to make sure
that they dont get the impression that i go out alot
because i always ensure that im at home whenever they are

i can go out late once in a while
but not freaking everytime
besides i have to go out with friends too
and i have to do alot of catching up with a handful of them


i dont think this is a good thing
arguing with my parents abt this annoying issue
as a daughter i have to listen to them
even if i feel like its unfair,
the way they grant me such limited freedom
when im already reaching adulthood.
But i understand different people have different mindsets on parenting
so if my parents are like that
i have to deal with it.

If if feel like my life sucks because of the way they parent,
then i shall be a better and more understanding one in e future
so my children wont have to feel as bitter as
how im feeling right now

so thats it.
I've made a decision.
Whatever pressure i have to deal with
however impossible it is to meet up with anyone
in the day instead of at night
im not going to risk my responsibility as a daughter
to obey my parents' commands

even if it means i have to forfeit
a great deal of fun memories i can have
in my youth,


I CANT GO OUT AT NIGHT ANYMORE.


And if anyone cant understand or accept that,
then maybe you're not a true friend after all.


Im not looking for someone thats not gonna make me a better person.
So if there is really no other way you can come to terms with that,


you know what to do.

Restless

Damn it, i cant sleep.