Holi

Holi was fun=]
It was a nuisance tho
when it came to the cleaning up part.
I wanted to be prettily colourful,
but i ended up looking like a horrendous zombie aka butcher
Awesomeness:D



Yes im greedy.
Cos i want more happy moments of FUN.
everlasting, never-ending ones.

End of Term 1 2009

ohwell its just the beginning.
I feel the tugging of a [drain] anxious to begin.
Dun understand my language?
You dont know me that well.

I need to remotivate myself.
Freshen up.
Physically, mentally, everything-ly.
I never want to change.
Never want to be different from who i am.
But solids do take a different shape under brute force, pressure
dont they?

If u spend too much time with a person,
is it possible that your personality
might gradually change to suit him/her?
its kind of scary, come to think of it.
How influence happens on a large scale,
On a daily basis.

Oh. i still want to be crazy.
and it doesnt matter what people might think
if they see this 172cm 17 year old 'woman'
Acting like some gorrilla.
It'd be ohkay.
cos i'm fit to be one,
-Ive got huge feet (oh, eew)



i Want LOVE=/

ps: Funny how it always seems to be Friday the 13th, hmm

Why am i so EMO?

I dun like it.
The creeping feeling of one-sided liking.
I dun like it.
i hate it.
I detest it.
I dont do crushes.
Cos i dun like it.
Get it?
High ego much?
Ya. Thats cause i have.
A shame isnt it.

Thats me.

March update.

Tsk.

Im such an inconsistent blogger.

Or an inconsistent everything for that matter.

I guess when you're too wrapped up in a separate special world

Nothing else matters.

Not to mention,

its been eons since i met up with my dearies.

Hmmm i'll definitely see them soon

maybe after BlockTests1.

So far,

I already claimed 4 public fadilah holidays this term.

and i was late 3 times.

Stretching it?

I think, totally.

RESPONSIBILITY fadilah, comprehend the word.

ouh and i had a minor ankle sprain last thursday!

when we were playing 4 corner captain ball for PE

i know, sucky.

and no one even pushed me!

i had a wrong footing

then i fell backwards like a klutz

at least mr kieu laughed at that silly incident

that was the only positivity

-He was moody the whole pe lesson you see

I'd hate to think that its because im a lousy PE rep=/

netball training got cancelled yesterday

i dont even know whether it was a good thing it did

the opprtunity cost was certainly "expensive"

Alternatively and typically, i grabbed the opportunity to meet up with him

[thanks for the pizzahut]

Everything in the begginning was perfect

and then.

Seems like frequent fights are inevitable.

I absolutely understand the need for arguments in a (bond)

Bond as in Relationship- i hate to use the R word

and im not even in a proper healthy official one

But if this bond involves getting hurt and disappointed over and over agin?

I saw him walking away for the first time yesterday.

Alot of 'firsts' have happened this year

Actions he wun normally dare to do

For fear of hurting my feelings

But looks like its getting more and more ohkay to let fadilah feel like garbage

and less like a girl who a guy would die for

Is it really true that once a guy get the girl,

- once the wooing process is a success

he finally takes her for granted?

And its a definite that im developing feelings up to this point

But looks like its a detriment to my overall social well-being

I will NEVER deny my right to explore possibilities at this age.

and i am absolutely not that naive or gullible a girl

to fall in love easily and settle for one option,

just to regret it later.

I take bonds very seriously.

Its a sacred subject, not a childish teenage game.

No one denied my rights to CHOOSE.

so im definitely not going to stop.

its all about finding the right one.

Lots of realizations have been extracted from this bond

ive experienced heaven,

ive experienced hell.

One thing for sure,

[LOVE] is the ETERNAL solution to EVERYTHING.

And the most highest and significant stage of enlightenment

any human can achieve in his/her life:

is the ultimate/COMPLETE acceptance and love for oneself.

cliche? probably.

But its the truth afterall isnt it?

Therefore, I concluded.

~ That I will [love and respect] myself in a way that nobody else can.

I'll fight till the end cause thats what i am.